Paralyzed by Perfectionism

I am praying that God will empower me to slay a formidable giant in my life...the giant of perfectionism.  I feel like I am learning so much about myself lately in regards to my personality, my weaknesses, my deficiencies, and my need for growth.  Here are some of my reflections on my perfectionism:

1. You don't have to be perfect to be a perfectionist.  I am far from perfect and I know it!  In fact, I think this is at the heart of my perfectionism.  I have a strong sense of my imperfections and this leads to deep insecurity which motivates me to want to fix all my problems, project an impeccable image, have all my ducks in a row, etc.

2. My desire to do things with superior quality and effectiveness leads me to actually accomplish very little.  I fail to start projects, tasks, relationships, conversations, and more because I cannot think of the best way to begin.  I give up on the items I do start because I feel frustrated by my lack of skill or my insecurity about the best way to proceed.  I essentially get paralyzed by my perfectionism.

3. To put a finger on the root cause of perfectionism in my heart I can identify two issues: insecurity and pride.  On one hand, I am insecure in myself and in my abilities.  On the other hand, I think about myself too much.  I feel like people are always looking at me and judging my choices, my actions, my inaction, my technique, my appearance, my mannerisms, my speech, the way I carry myself, and on and on.  Who do I think I am?!  Why do I think that everyone is concerned with me?  Why am I so full of myself?

4. At the heart, my perfectionism is sinful.  From one side I am looking to myself for security (and not finding it) instead of trusting in the One, True God and depending on Him for my security.  From the other side I am allowing my heart and mind to focus on myself and seek recognition, approval, glory for myself instead of living for the glory of God.

5. The answer to my perfectionism problem is repentance and trusting God.  I am praying regularly that God will crucify my pride and my self-centered sin and my insecurity and put within me deep love for, complete dependence on, and steadfast confidence in Him alone!


Sometimes I wonder what it is like to not care what others think about me.  I know some people who are  like that.  They seem to be so free.  I will seek my freedom in God through Jesus my Savior the One who makes the broken whole and makes the lame to walk again and raises the dead to life.  Through Jesus, I will be paralyzed no more.

He must increase, I must decrease!  (John 3:30)

JasonPS